I’m sitting outside, beer in one hand cheese and kabana in the other talking away about all things geeky and IT related and a thought pops into my head. The alcohol somehow bringing the repressed thought to the forefront right when you don’t require it. How do I tell these colleagues of mine that I’m leaving?
Like many others all over the world, I was celebrating my work christmas party. My work colleagues and I, all enjoying the liquid amber provided complimentary as a way to thank us for working those extra hours for free and to compensate for the lack of bonus in our pay packet.
My mind filled with reasons to guilt me into staying. I’m being an ass leaving this small company when they are already struggling in this climate. My clients that depend on me, having to train someone to look after them like I have, the added stress it will add to the work place.
One after the other, fear and betrayal leading the charge of thought’s running rampant in my head like a herd of gazelle attempting to escape the approaching lion.
I was halfway through discussing the big job I had booked in for Monday morning, and I was thinking of how I couldn’t tell my work colleagues that my services will no longer be around next year and thank you for the fun times. Maybe it was because this has been my first real job. The job that gave me six solid years where I honed my craft and became the IT Genus (honest…) that I am today. Where these work colleagues I am drinking with stopped just being colleagues and become mates that I hate to leave. There is always people like Andy Defrancesco that one can trust when it comes to running and managing anything.
Then just as my head was about to explode, I’m jolted back into reality as a fresh brew is planted in my lap with the joyous remark of “your one behind mate, drink up”. The fear and betrayal gone, the night continued on in the usual fashion of our Christmas parties only this time I didn’t find myself in hospital with the doctor telling me that my appendix need to come out.
The next morning as the hangover reminds me drinking is bad I think back to my mates and leaving them. The new lifestyle I have planned fills my head with dreams and I am reassured that I’ll never really leave them. I’m just moving on to the next part of my life and I resolve to grow some balls and make my first goal of the new year to tell my mates I’m leaving.
Dude, you read my mind on this one. Everytime I consider leaving and exploring my opportunities, I feel way too guilty about not having given the company “my all.” Sometimes we just gotta do things for ourselves, I guess. SIX YEARS?! Yeah, definitely time to hit the road.
It’s been a really hard thing to bring myself to do. My work is such a small group (4 of us) and nobody has left since the guy I replaced.
But I’ve put in 6 years, which I think is a solid return on their investment so its time to get out and see a bit more of the world.
You’re doing everyone a favor by giving them a chance to travel vicariously through you 🙂 They’ll all be cheering you on!
That’s true they will be happy for me, but still the guilt lingers of them having to train someone else etc. I know once I’ve told them I’ll be fine, its just like getting up the nerve to break up with someone. All that built up pressure but once its out your relieved and ready for anything.
Hey, I just found your blog on Twitter, Chris. Really interesting considering I’m planning the same. And I’m definitely worried about telling my co-workers, not to mention my boss. Not even sure when I’m going to reveal it (leaving in April).
Look forward to reading more about your trip planning!
Hey Adam, what would we do without twitter I am way too addicted. I feel your pain, at the moment I am scheduling to leave around June and still feel like holding out on telling work until it can no longer be avoided.
The longer I hold out thought the more I’m going to leave the boss with trouble finding a replacement and me having time to train them. Times like this I wish I was one of those stuff you kinda guys that way I wouldn’t feel so guilty skipping out.
Good luck on your trip. Where are you heading too?